To say my heart hurts would be an understatement. It aches. It throbs. It feels as though it is fighting to keep beating but is realizing that some moments it is just too painful.
My throat hurts from choked back sobs, my eyes hurt from the pressure of tears that won't release, my ears hurt from the throbbing in my head. Breathing hurts, thinking hurts, feeling hurts, my whole being hurts. I still cry, rarely do tears come but instead I'm overtaken by dry sobs that leave me breathless and feeling claustrophobic in my clothes...and I am sad. So incredibly sad that the word sad doesn't even feel comparable to what I feel. And I don't know what to do to make these pains go away.
This has definitely put my "silver lining" perspective to test. What is the lesson? What am I suppose to be taking away from this? There has to be a reason that I'm just not seeing. There has to be. This can't be for naught. This can't be wasteful. This can't be ok. This can't be a "just because and move on" occurrence.
Don't delay? Act faster? Speak up? Do something.
That's what I think ("think" is how far I've gotten) I need to realize. What I'm supposed to be learning.
Do something...but what?
Please just tell me what? Anything to make this pain and hurt and sadness go away. I'll do it. Just tell me...
what?
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